Road Rage

BEWARE + SUSPECT - 1/25/08

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I was driving on the freeway over the weekend. The assorted nutters were on the road driving like maniacs when suddenly two vehicles were having a go at it. A sedan and a truck weaving in and out of traffic with absolutely no regard of the other drivers! What is this world coming to?

I saw myself as the angry drivers. I can completely understand why Keren was so upset at me. She's slowly talking to me but she can't open up completely. I can't say that I blame her.

It's gotten to the point where I don't want to drive anymore. It really disturbs me.

Jack - 1/25/08

UNDER DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES

CALM, BREATHING - 1/18/08

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Daily living is a struggle. Traffic, stress, work, the economy. I should be grateful that I'm doing well, except for my issues of anger management. I've been taking yoga and it has done wonders (see the video). I don't know why I used to scoff at it, but it is relaxing and it does wonders for the body and the mind. I guess I must have been a close minded westerner. And because I see it everywhere here in Southern California. Now I know why people love it.

I don't like the person that I've become. I have no excuse for my issues of road rage. I will become a better person. It's a new year. I can't feel sorry for myself.

Jack - 1/18/08

NAKED & BROKEN - 1/11/08

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COMPENDIUM 001

These are the materials that I've been reading / researching lately. Reference library:

1. Trepanning

Perhaps I need a hole in my head after dealing with Keren.

http://joern.free.de/luck_hole.html

http://amasci.com/hole.html

http://www.ambient.ca/bodmod/hole.html
I'm interested in Trepanation to improve my well being and psyche. Maybe it will help me remember the accident? Or if Keren yells at me I can blame it on the hole in my head.
RE/Search Publications - San Francisco. I've been a fan of their books for quite some time. If you are a fan of the esoteric examine their site:
http://www.researchpubs.com/Blog/index.php
Readers have been asking me what Visual Anthropology is.
http://www.visualanthropology.net/
Reading Material:
Paul Feyerabend - 'Against Method'
JG Ballard - 'The Atrocity Exhibition' + 'Crash' (I hope some obscure cult weren't fans of the book. I shudder to think what they did to me if I were abducted by someone like them).

Composers:

Iannis Xenakis

http://home.wanadoo.nl/eli.ichie/biographyxenakis.html

I have been compiling and organizing my library recently. I thought I would share some of this information with you.

I HATE DRIVERS - 1/4/07

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EYEWITNESS? - 1/5/07

The Detective working on my case called me to say that the person who found my wrecked car agreed to speak with me. Nonetheless I am happy and relieved to find the person who found me. I also want to thank her.

The eyewitness was out of the country on business for the past 2 years. She was concerned to see how I was doing. She's back in the country, she needs a few days to get settled in and will meet me within the next week.

I know that I upset Keren with my erratic and angry driving. I do need help. I have anger inside of me. I can't control it and I realize that I need to do something about it. I've been reading books about dealing with anger. Anger is something that can't be eliminated but it can be controlled. I should have been practicing the breathing exercises. Easier said than done.

Keren has every right to be upset with me. I've been a complete and utter nutter and I shouldn't be driving when I am upset.

I stayed at home during New Years eve. Keren is still upset at me so I spent the night alone. It was probably better, but I was feeling lonely.

I should get used to it.

- Jack - January 5, 2008

DISTRESSED - 12/28/07

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A Quiet Christmas

The mad rush of Christmas shoppers over the weekend did send me over the edge. But rather than take it out on the public I made a video about it. If someone is honking and tailgating I don't get frustrated, I make a video.

I have to admit that I feel much better even though the video is strange. But it's a good outlet for my anger and frustration.

If angry people spent time writing about their problems, whether that be a blog, video or a diary the world would be a much better place.

I've been reading books about dealing with anger - especially when driving. There are some breathing exercises that help you deal with it. I'll share it with you as soon as I'm done reading the book.

I had a quiet Christmas with Keren and a group of small friends. Made a phone call back home and chatted with the family and friends. I don't miss the cold weather! Although it is a bit cold in the warehouse I usually spend time in the smallest room in the building. I don't have a heater for the building, but then again I don't have huge heating bills.

- Jack - 12/28/07

12/23 AGAIN

23 is around the corner. 12/23/05 that is. The second anniversary. I'm not any closer to finding out the truth. It bothers and upsets me. The police have been working on the case but they can find no clues. Keren and I are planning on keeping busy for the day. Maybe go to a museum, anything to keep my mind from the fact that it's been 2 years.

Am I losing hope? No. I need to find the truth.

I will uncover the truth.

ASYLUM DISTRESSED - 12/21/07

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DETECT AND SURVEY - DECEMBER 13 2007

I've decided to take over Roy's '23' page since he's not available. It's difficult keeping track of where the accidents took place along with the dates and facts. It's going to be a large data base to maintain. I'm also going to access the microfilm at the local library to see if there's a record of past accidents. There's days when I think that the accident is a game. I feel that someone is playing an elaborate hoax. Albeit a mischievous prank. Hopefully with help from the private investigator I will be able to solve the case. I've received emails about the use of the brainwave recordings. In order to experience the full effect of the recordings the user must use headphones. Playing the recordings on a speaker will render the brainwaves useless. I would not recommend listening to the brainwave recordings without supervision.

As I stated earlier I have abandoned listening to the brainwave recordings as it is detrimental to your health.



INTERROGATOR - 12/13/07

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PSYCHIC SEANCE - 12/5/07

I am going to stay away from listening to brainwave recordings. I have opened my third mind. It is not pleasant. Listening to the recordings I have opened the gateway to hell. Strange sensations overcame my body. It felt like someone was rubbing my back. In other instances it felt as though someone was pouring cold water on my back.

I didn't think that something like this could exist but I was wrong. I shouldn't have listened to the recordings.

I don't want to go into it in further detail. I may later but I am in the process of destroying the recordings.

Jack

INNER PSYCHE CONFLICT - 12/7/07

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THE UN NORMAL PARANORMAL - 11/30/07

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ENTOMBED

I visited Keren on Thanksgiving. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a small group of friends. I have my health and I live faraway from Civilization. (More like 20 minutes).

I avoided the day after Thanksgiving rush by staying home for the entire weekend. I sorted through my trash. It's amazing how much trash one can accumulate.

What was I thinking when I filled out that free subscription to a magazine that I didn't want? Why do I have duplicates of magazines? In some cases I have 2 or more copies of the same book.

I donated another carton of duplicate books to the local library.

I wish that I could take a back hoe and dump all my possessions in a dumpster.

Do I really need things that I haven't seen for years?

I am planning on becoming a mummy and surrounding myself in a tomb? Actually that doesn't sound like a bad idea.

RESEARCH: TREPANNING + BRAINWAVES

THIRD EYE OPENING - 11/23/07

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I've been listening to brain wave recordings recently to hopefully 'open my mind' to the events leading up to the accident. I feel that by opening my mind I will be able to put some closure to what happened. I don't want to bore you with all of the research that I have been conducting but it is interesting to say the least.

I don't anyone who has done trepanning. It's not something that I would personally do but it does fascinate me.

I'm keeping this blog short as I've had a busy week. I will let you know more when the information is readily available.

Thank You

Jack

TEMPTATION - 11/16/07

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Under the Weather

I spent the last week out of town. I spent time out of town in the past but heading up to Northern California was fun. Even though I was supposed to spent time with Roy.

I headed back into town late last week. I'm feeling sad, not sad like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but ... I don't know sad that I spent quality time with my friend and his family in San Francisco. I'm not a city person, funny when I think about it. I grew up in London, lived for several of my adult years in the East End of London and I still don't feel comfortable there. It was really nice to be at my friend's house, away from the news and TV. We had no idea that the oil tanker hit the base of the Bay Bridge, I didn't know it until my friend saw a newspaper at a liquor store.

I have pleasant memories of San Francisco, I had relatives who lived there and I would visit them as a child in the 1970's. I feel nostalgic whenever I go back. I wish Keren was there but she had work.

The weather reminded me of London, cold and crisp. Actually London is much colder in the fall but nonetheless it brought back memories.

The 4 days I spent up north was good for me, it cleared my head, even though I spent all of Tuesday in bed with the flu! I thought it was food poisoning from some tourist trap in Fisherman's wharf. I should have known better. What was I thinking? It used to be fun to go there as kids, but it's lost it's appeal. Stupid!

There are excellent restaurants where my friend lives in the North Beach section of town. Dunno about all the adult strip clubs though, lot's of stragglers from the suburbs looking for a 'good time' in the city - idiots. Most of them are complete wankers, pissed and yelling all the time. Why do people yell when they have a good time? Or a supposed good time?

I forgot about the hills in S.F. how could I? It must be from the concussion from the accident, maybe me memory isn't as good as it once was. I joked to my friend that one needs a 4 Wheel drive with extra big tyres to drive up and down the hills, but then again he was driving a compact car with a 5 speed transmission! Not for the faint of heart!

I've been sitting in the house under the weather, I'm still recuperating from the '24 hour flu'. I also hit my head on the minivan when I got back. I'm concerned that there may be some swelling. I guess once you hit the age of 40+ one constantly worries about your health. At least I caught up with the drudgery of housework. But I'm still under the weather.

I know the grass is always greener somewhere else but I'm beginning to think that I need to visit Northern California more often, but next time I'm taking the train where I can relax, sleep and read a good book.

Speaking of good reading materials, I've been reading the latest issue of 'The Believer' - the Nov. issue? with an interesting article on Jean Tinguely. If you haven't heard of him do a google, yahoo etc. search very interesting artist. He's the forerunner of modern machine art, sort of like Mark Pauline's Survival Research Laboratories.

I also want to see 'THE IMAGINARY 20TH CENTURY'. So many things to do ...

Enough writing I'm going to bed. It's early and I'm feeling tired.

CLOCKED OUT - 11/9/07

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Temptation

Driving on the way to Northern California to visit Roy I noticed that drivers have become more aggressive since my last visit 3 years ago. The right lane is the slow lane, then why are drivers tailgating me? I tried to remain calm, but after the 15th psychotic driver attempted to push me off the road I could stand it no more. I flipped on the hazard lights and tugged at the steering wheel so it looked like the car was out of control. I looked back in the rear view mirror to see that the driver pulled back considerably.

I'm not proud of what I've done but drivers have no consideration for the safety of others. There is always the temptation to get revenge, I tried to remain calm the best I could. What I did may not have been civil but it was the only thing I could do to save my sanity and my life.

This will probably be the last road trip that I take for awhile. The roads have become to dangerous.

Buried Alive

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TITLES

I don't like the title 3 Days Dead. I only used it because it was the only headline I could think where people would sit up and notice my plight. The original title was the dates that I was missing; 12-23-05 - 12-26-05. It's been almost 2 years, I'm still not any closer. I'm afraid any evidence from the accident has disappeared as the recent fire has devastated most of the area.

I'm just a person who is trying to find out the truth behind his accident. I've been followed, stalked, people that I met on the internet have been helpful, but unfortunately Roy (don't know his last name) was abducted. I hope it's not because of his involvement with my investigation or if he's making the entire thing up (one always has to be careful these days).

It seems like everything these days must be 'branded' am in danger of being 'branded'? I hope not. This is one of the reasons why my face and voice and almost everyone else who appears in the videos have been altered. I value my privacy and those around me. Not that it's made much of a difference people found out where I live. I moved in fear of my safety.

But in a positive light I am happy with my new surroundings. No neighbors to deal with even though I live in a secluded area of the city. I have lots of room and the building is secure. Friends such as Keren and Anne visit. From time to time I have other friends who I speak to on the phone and email. I don't need constant companionship. Who wants to talk all the time? I have other things to keep me occupied.

I have been reading 'Car Crash Culture' by Mikita Brottman recently. Fascinating but somewhat depressing book. Good research material.

NIGHT-PROWLER

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NIGHT-PROWLER

I was out the other night walking Keren's dog. She's out of town for a few days. he's a nice dog, very well behaved and very protective of those around him.

I'm trying to stay in as much as possible due to the terrible air quality from all the fires in Southern California. But the poor dog needs to get out. I thought about putting a mask in front of the dog's nose and mouth so he wouldn't have to breathe in the soot.

I noticed that a car was following me. The dog, I mean 'Jack' Keren's dog - a Jack Russell terrier noticed before I did and alerted me to the fact.

At first I thought the driver was lost, but I couldn't tell since the windows were blacked out. The car followed us for a good 5 minutes. I tried to take a photo of the license plate but there wasn't enough light.

It could be someone playing a prank. I don't live in the neighborhood, it is close my old house but a part of me is still nervous about Roy's abduction. Whoever was responsible for Roy's disappearance could be after me.

I guess I'm always on guard. I have to keep one eye open at all times.

Thanks 'Jack' for the loud bark. I wouldn't know what to do without you.

SUBHUMAN - 10/18/07

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PUNISHED - 10/18/07

I had mixed feelings about Roy until now. If you watch the video you'll know what I mean.

I don't know how the person or organization that's responsible for the video knew the address my P.O. Box. I'm very uneasy about it.

I'm constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is following me. It's left me feeling uneasy. Maybe I'm being overly cautious but I'd rather be prepared than ending up like Roy.

I've examined the video several times. I'm still shocked.

I haven't heard from Roy for several months. So I was understandably shocked when I received the tape.

I hope Roy was able to escape wherever he is.

BLOG THERAPIST - 10/12/07

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BLOG THERAPIST - 10/12/07

Therapy through blogging.

Keren more than anyone has been my 'therapist' though she hates the title. When I'm aching and tired she gives me confidence to spread the story about the car accident.

There's days when I feel that I'm wasting my time, I'll walk to the office to find Keren conducting research.

She works full time, but she still has time to help me with research.

Thank You Keren. I appreciate it.

Jack

Rolled, Wrecked and Destroyed

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Rolled, Wrecked and Destroyed

I wrecked the Range Rover. What can I say? I was foolish to think that I would be able to find the answers behind my accident while attempting in vain to recreate the car accident.

I would have been easier if I could re-trace my steps before the accident took place but I thought? That the answer would appear before the Rover crashed off the road.

This is a lesson in futility. I still haven't told Keren what happened. But she's going to find out after she reads this.

Hopefully by this time I'll be on a bus!

I have no money to buy another car. I have the barely running 1978 Cadillac sitting in the corner of the garage, but it's not a dependable vehicle.

I take that back I have a very small amount of money to buy a 15 year old vehicle. I guess it's time to look for another Volvo.

ACCIDENT RE/CREATION - 9/28/07

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ACCIDENT RE/CREATION - 9/28/07

I have been obsessed with recreating the accident. For the past few days I've been driving along the road where the accident took place. Same time, similar weather conditions, same speed of travel. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know what the police will think.

If I really want to re-create the accident I should buy the same car that I got into the accident with. I don't have that kind of money. But maybe if I can find a similar car that's wrecked ... I don't know what I'm talking about.

SUSPICION - 9/21/07

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SUSPICION - 9/21/07

For some reason when 9:23 PM arrives I find myself in the car driving around aimlessly looking for something. An answer that will never come. I drove through the industrial wastelands of Southern California. How can he afford the gas? I can't, but it's cheaper than therapy (and a lot more relaxing).

An old diesel Cadillac was hidden in the corner of the building that I purchased. I paid the DMV fees that weren't paid in eighteen years, filled the tank with diesel fuel and drove around the wastelands looking for accidents.

I came across a wrecked car with the number 23. I wrote the address down so I could find it during the day. After a couple of hours I was lost (no navigational device in the 30 year old car). I came across an odd site. A smashed up car driving around in circles running into things in an empty lot. In the distance a wrecked car stood still at the side of the road.

I taped the proceedings when the driver of the car spotted me. He tightly held a weapon in his hands. I had no interest to see what it was. I put the car in reverse and drove off as fast as I could.

DEADLY ROADS TRAVELED - 9/14/07

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Travelogue - 9/14/07

Away for a week. Not really a vacation but research. I wish I could travel with a small bag with nothing else. Take off for 6 months off and travel cities less traveled.

Our 'vacation' - Keren and I, consists of traveling to the places where the victims reported where their accidents took place. We're compiling accidents within the Western United States. Obviously there are accidents in other places but that would take a rather large amount of time and money. It's a luxury that we can ill afford.

But it has been nice to get away from town even though it's research.