Who is she?

Is she a black widow in disguise? That's what I first thought when she first sent me an email.

But that's not the case. I don't open up very easy. Well I haven't ... I used to be friendly and outgoing ... but that was ages ago.

It looks like it's going to be a good year. I'm really looking forward to it.

I have to go now. I'm going to meet someone. Watch the vlog.

Happy New Years!

Jack

KEREN

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I received this video from a reader named Keren. She's been helpful with research, I don't need to write about it, look at it for yourself.

12/23/06

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December 23, 2006

I had a good day today. Visited some car dealers. Pretended to buy a car. Climbed into their skull and rummaged around. It was fun messing about with the abundance of air in the space that would usually occupied with their brain.

DAMAGED GOODS

I hate car dealers. I consider them a notch below murderers. They would sell their new born child if they could make a deal. The service department is just as bad or even worse.

Yes I'm angry. What a joke. A 'new' car? I'm looking at the internet to see what I can buy. I DON'T want to go to another car dealer.

Dunno know what else to say. I'm tempted to say the name of the car dealer, but I can't. Load of scum bags, bollocks, wankers.

I should have listened to my instincts, this was the first new car that I've purchased, I always purchased used cars. My last vehicle was a Volvo Estate with over 564,000 mi.

The only reason why I bought a new car is because the Estate had major rust and the tranny needed a rebuild, plus the chassis was literally rusting away. Not very safe to say the least.

I have a complete workshop in my garage, a bit of machine tools here and there. I've got a collection of spanners. I've got another vehicle in the garage, a 1963 Austin Mini Cooper Pickup that I brought over from the U.K. I completely restored it here in the states, but it's not registered, it's strictly a project car. Plus it's too dangerous to be driving, especially with all the nutters on the road. You've got to be a right twit to be driving something like this on the road.

I should have bought another used car and fixed up meself. Thought it would 'nice' to have a 'new car'. Stupid bastard.

I've learned a lesson. ALWAYS trust your instincts!

Vehicle R.I.P.



Almost one year ago I was driving a brand new car. Close to a year later my car with 400 miles sits in a paint/body shop. The technicians are inspecting the car to see if it can be rebuilt.

I don't want a rebuilt car, I want the insurance to replace my car. Granted the car is a year old, it's still 'new', but I don't want to be driving around in a car that was in a wreck.

I can't bear to look at my once new car. I guess it's my fault that I forgot about the car in the impound yard, even thought they constantly called and sent me letters. It feels like I shut off the outside world, and not by choice.

I've been walking to the corner market to buy my necessities, it only takes me 5 minutes to walk back and forth. It's good therapy, and I don't need to take the taxi, but even though it's only a 5 minute walk the sound of roaring cars still scares me.

It does feel good to take a breath of fresh air, and one day I know that I'll drive again, but I don't know when that's going to be.

I would like to go to the movies and to the bookstores, but I can't walk there, and I can't afford to take another taxi, it's draining my bank account, even though I'm doing some odd research jobs at home, which helps. A reader suggested I take the bus, thank you for the tip but I don't like taking the bus, there's some nice people on board, but the majority of bus riders are dangerous and deranged. I don't mean to write something demeaning, especially about people who can't afford to buy a car or are unable to, but I fear for my safety when I'm on a bus, and I feel sorry for normal people who take the bus to and from work everyday, especially mothers with young children. It's not the safest method of transportation.

I'm really hoping that the auto body estimator will write off my car as a complete salvage so I can buy myself a new car. Not that I care about cars, to me they're nothing but transportation, nothing else. I'm not in love with my car. As long as it gets me to and from my destination, I'm fine.

Impound yard for 1 year?

This thought suddenly hit me while I was laying in bed on Saturday at 6 am. I've never been this careless, I've very punctual, but this isn't like me. I don't like to make excuses, but I blame it on my concussion.

I haven't been thinking logically, it must be a side effect of having a concussion. I scrambled to find the name of the impound yard where my car was, 8 am, I called them, the phone rings continuously until the 15th ring, someone answers, by 9 I arrive in a taxi, with some cash from the ATM and a bag I make my way over to the window of the impound yard and pay a hefty fund of back fees ( I could have bought a good, a very good used vehicle for what they charged me in impound yard fees!).

But it is my fault for not being more 'with it'. I open the door to what was once my new car. I'm here for one thing and one thing only - the digital recorder hidden in the back panel quarter of the car.

I installed hidden cameras in the car the day I purchased it. There's still hidden cameras that I placed around my neighborhood that I'm only now discovering! I must have been working on a visual anthropology project but I can't remember.

I couldn't breathe when I came home and plugged in the digital video recorder into the computer.

I don't need to tell you everything that's on the video, but my eyes are wide awake. I contacted the police and made a copy of the video for them to investigate. It's been almost one year since the accident happened. Will I be able to find out what happened? Did I place cameras in places that I don't remember?

I wish I could think clearly, I know I need to someone for help, real help, no psychiatrists or therapists or 'life coaches', I need to see someone who can help me see clearly! The answer is out there I just need to find it. It's like searching for a needle in a haystack, but I can find the haystack and eliminate each piece one by one until I find it!

I'm upset that someone caused my accident and I'm angry that someone pulled me out of the car, but the question is why?

December 23 is coming up right around the corner, time flies. And I'm not getting any younger.

I hope the new year is going to work out for me. I need to make a change and find some answers!

- Jack

Meeting the Psychiatrist.

I'll tell you what you can't see in the video. I definitely have not seen this woman before! Actually she was quite pretty, I was distracted. However I did confront her about this entire situation being staged or some sort of prank.

Of course she denied, being a mental health care professional I was surprised that she exploded into rage (maybe she needs to see a therapist). I looked around the room for any sort of clues. Nothing out of the ordinary. Pictures of her on vacation with her beau. A calendar on the wall, very conservative paintings on the wall (to make the patients feel at ease I suppose.

The room was rather small, the front office was equally as small. The Psych. desk was cluttered with papers, she didn't seem to be very organized, more disorganized than anything. It wouldn't win any kudos for it's use of space or interior design!

I did some research on the Psych. it turns out she's been at this particular location since 2002, before that she worked at a hospital. Nothing out of the ordinary.

During our hour long session she treated me like I was a prisoner, a criminal. Thankfully she took a break to use the loo.

I looked around the office. I inspected it for more detail. I was extremely cautious, she could have installed security cameras. I'm sure a patient has tried to attack her on more than one occasion.

There was several badly plastered and painted sections of the wall around the room. It looked like someone either threw their fist where her head once was or someone picked up a chair and threw it at her and missed.

The blinds in the room was dirty and worn out. It looked like she jumped out of the one story room more than once. Either that or she was using the screen less window as an ash tray. I did manage to take a peek outside the window, sure enough it was littered with cigarette butts, it looked like she threw the contents of her ash tray out the window. Don't you just love people who care for the environment?

The paint on the wall was a drab off white, horrible paint scheme, one would think that a psychiatrist would paint the walls with soothing colors or at least consult with an interior designer! But what would I know, because I've never been to a psychiatrist before!

There was something that puzzled me, there was a photograph, very old that was stuck halfway, sort of placed in a drawer at the last minute. The photo looked like it was taken in the mid 70's of two men, around 30 or so, standing, smiling in front of a brand new car, a Land Rover 109 5 door. In the background dozens of cars filled the massive building; several men wearing suits stood in the background of what looked like a car dealership, dozens of vehicles - a Mercedes 600 series saloon, a Range Rover, several Jaguar saloons and several men of Arab origin in the background inspecting the car.

I tried to take a shot with my surveillance camera but the psych. entered the room, somewhat suspicious. She asked me what I was doing and I told her that I wanted to be sure that she was on the up and up.

She was definitely a chain smoker, she said she had another client and was rushing me to hurry up.

The secretary was much more chatty, more down to earth, through clueless, she's only been working there for 2 weeks, so I couldn't ask her anything in detail. I was in the midst of asking her out for a cup of coffee when lo and behold the Psych. appeared tapping here feet and demanding that miss secretary retrieve some files for her on the next patient.

Hopefully for my follow up I'll be able to delve in further.

I'm still not driving, but being angry at what's happening I haven't been noticing my surroundings. I've been more at ease, probably because I'm furiously been trying to find out what's going on.

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'PROOF' - VBLOG



As if it couldn't get any weirder. The police contacted me a few days ago ... it's all explained in the video. I don't know what to think. Maybe I shouldn't think. X-mas is around the corner and I've been buying gifts for my family. No gifts for the remaining few friends I have, or had. But let's not get negative here. I've been writing nothing but self-pity blogs to you lot over the past several months and I must apologize. The first and foremost thing on my mind is my accident investigation, but what the police showed me on the video is just plain weird! It's a black comedy. What would Kafka think?

Back to X-mas. I need to keep my mind occupied.

Well, the great things about shopping online - no lines, no gift wrapping, no problems looking for parking. I really used to like X-mas shopping with me mum dad and younger sis. We used to spend hours shopping on Oxford Street, looking at all the stuff we couldn't afford. Me mum looking at Selfridges. Me dad looking at the electronic shops. Then we'd head over to Portobello Road so me and me younger sister could look at all the new LP's at Virgin Records (no megastore back then, just a bunch of hippies making a ton of quid off of Mike Oldfield's 'Tubular Bells') I used to spend hours looking at the LP covers. ( no kids, we didn't have cds or downloadable itunes bollocks back then!)

For an afternoon laugh we'd make our way to the King's Road to poke fun at the punks. I remember one particular afternoon in December of 1977 when the Punks and the Teds were beating each other up. The punks were no match for the Teds, the Teds were older and handy with their fists. How the punks could get around in their bondage trousers was beyond me!

All in all it was a happy time, me parents would get me an Action Man, me dad a new soldering gun (he was an electronics hobbyist) me younger sister a new doll and me mum a new dress.

Yes it was fun growing up in the 70's in Britain. I won't go into detail about the trash strike in the long hot summer of 76', British Leyland going bust, record levels of unemployment, I didn't give a toss about all that. I was a kid and I was having fun. I shudder to think having kids in this environment.

Maybe I should have stayed in London, I would be taking the tube to work everyday and I wouldn't be in a car accident. Not unless there was a derailment on the tube. But that doesn't happen very often.

This was supposed to be a happy blog about the joys of X-mas and I ended up talking about trash strikes, bankrupts British companies and the terror of kids.

I'm signing off before it gets worse.

- Jack

Numb recovery

PTSD therapy group, what a joke. Absolute rubbish. I went to a support group 2 days ago. See the video. Hope everyone is having a safe and happy thanksgiving. I'm staying at home where it's safe and warm with no traffic. I remember as a child visiting my mum's relatives here in the states. Re-runs of 'The Twilight Zone' would be shown all day. I used to really enjoy it. I still do, but my life is beginning to feel like one of the episodes. I guess it's better that than some reality tv show bollocks.

I am thankful that I at least have my health, even though I have the reoccuring side effects from the concussion.

Thinking about Roy said in the vblog. It's beginning to sink in. What he said makes sense. Nothing much else to say. I hope everyone stays safe and stay off the roads, lot's of drunk unstable people driving today. Be thankful if you're spending the night at home with your loved ones.

Jack



<

I was feeling strange last night. I felt downtrodden. I was thinking about the people that I met during the last year and how they're no longer in my life. I was heartbroken. The accident seems unreal, I don't know what to think of Roy. Was he really involved in a similar accident or is he playing a game? Maybe he's behind the accident. There's so many things going through my mind.

I slept for 10 hours. I have so much work to do. Past assigments are untouched. I've been in a retrospective mood. I guess the saying 'The more things change the more they remain the same' is true. The one thing I've discovered through this journey of finding out what happened during my missing 3 days is how unreliable and flaky people can be. Humans only care about themselves no matter how much they say that they're 'always there for you'. What a load of bollocks. Where are you now? You're not there when I needed you.

Maybe it's the change in the season, or the weather. Fall used to be my favourite time of the year, but I don't know if I like the dampness and the fog. Maybe it reminds me of home. I haven't been to England for a few years, I know I should visit my mum and dad and my sister, but I can't. How can I sit in airplane when I can't even get behind the wheel of a car? I sit in the backseat of the taxi with a hood pulled over my head and a pair of dark sunglasses blocking my vision and an ipod filtering any ambient sounds from the real world.

Someone suggested that maybe I caused my own accident because I've been let down by the people in my life! I've been sad and depressed but I would never take my own life! Utterly ridiculous! More than anything I want to have the power to get out of the house and hopefully meet a woman and settle down. But that's not going to happen until I find out the cause of my accident.

I feel somewhat guilty over my response to Roy's video. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't be sure until I have evidence that he was in a similar accident, only then can I rest.

It's been almost a year since the accident. I need to get my life back together again before it's too late.

I'd like to thank the viewers of the site who have been sending me so many emails of support, especially Kathie. Thank You.

Jack

I hate Roy

I shouldn't hate people. But I can't help it. Roy has really gotten under my skin. He upsets me to no end. If you're reading this Roy where's your response? Are you afraid? You should be afraid of yourself. It's scary to think that someone like you is able to make up such a sick story. You need help Roy.

Funnily enough my constant rage at Roy or Ron or whatever his name has relieved my constant headaches. I would think that Roy's prank would have given me a throbbing headache, but I guess I was wrong.

We WILL continue this conversation Roy. Trust me.

engineer94701@hotmail.com

Who are you Roy?

I am upset. Seething. Who do you think you are Roy? Do you think this is a joke? I was in a car accident, I'm not looking for publicity! Prank? Having fun are we? I was in the hospital recovering for months, going through countless hours of physical therapy. Does this sound like fun Roy? Or whatever your name is. You are brainless, you need psychological help. It hurts me to receive emails like this! I thought that you were someone I could relate to. I should have listened to my gut instinct but you are taking advantage of the helpless. How DARE you poke fun of me? I have a headache ALL because of YOU! Is it fun making a disgrace out of someone's life? Do you take joy in making someone fell ashamed? DO YOU? I thought my life was OVER! I am TRYING to rebuild my life, but it is HARD! I believe in karma Roy Or whoever you are. Do YOU belive in karma? Probably not, you don't know what it means. But I believe in it. Everything that goes around comes around! You WILL BE PUNISHED ROY!

Are you happy that I'm crumbling away? Why does this keep happening to me? People tell me to 'be positive'. What a load of bollocks! You have no idea what my life has been like. It's been ONE CONSTANT disappointment! There's a pounding in my chest when I go to sleep, I always think that it's going to get better and it DOESN'T! I don't know why I bother to wake up in the morning! I have no energy. I sleep 15 hours a day. I just manage to scrape by. I don't know how I do it. A job here, a job there. Something has triggered a response in me. My life is empty, 5 months ago when I first posted the blog I thought I would find the answers to my questions but so far nothing. I'm tired to going to bed alone. I should have been married by now.

I don't know what I'm writing about, why am I sharing my life with you lot? Complete strangers. What are you going to do for me? I'm sorry, I'm in self pity mode. I apologize. What's wrong with me? I've been to therapy, complete waste of time, she was attractive, the therapist, I actually looked forward to the meeting, not because she was helping me, but it was nice to be around someone, someone to talk to. Did she help me? I don't know, she's not helping me with the accident, more like trying to show how smart she is with her education. She talks down to me quite often.

The police - same story as always. I haven't contacted them for months. I'm not going to bother, why should I? Hmm, it's fall, it used to be my favourite time of the year, but I really haven't noticed it until now. It doesn't make a difference really. I'm sorry, I've rambled on for much too long. I apologize. I'm still having headaches, concussion or whatever the doc said. It's doing me in. I have to leave the house but it takes so much energy, I'm always exhausted when I have to leave and I don't even drive. The taxi's are costing too much, especially in light of my work situation.

ROY'S EMAIL ADDRESS IS: engineer94701@hotmail.com TELL HIM WHAT YOU THINK!!!!

Jack

Accident victim and therapy

I still don't know what to think of Roy. I dunno what he wants, maybe I'm being a bit harsh, maybe he's in the same situation that I am.

I think I need therapy. I can't relax, I'm unable to drive. I have panic attacks. I feel like a jigsaw puzzle, my life is still in pieces waiting to be put back together again. Nothing is in logical order. There's no rhyme or reason.

I have nothing else to say.

Sorry,

Jack

Accident Victim

I don't what to say. I received this video two days ago. I was shocked. Roy's accident took place at the same location, six years earlier. The photo that I've been searching for suddenly shows up. I don't know what to make of it.

Roy is obviously not looking for publicity, I'm not even sure if that's his real name. He filtered his image, so I have no idea what he really looks or sounds like.

I hope he'll be able to help me out with the accident.

It's good to know that I'm not the only one.

Moving but where?

I want to move. It's time for a change. There's too many things frustrating me. I can't make any headway into my accident. My doc thinks that I'm crazy. No one believes me. I'm fed up with southern california. I don't know where I want to move. I think I should take a road trip, but the problem is that I haven't driven a car since the accident.

I haven't been on a date siince the accident ... I don't have anything in common with any women. I'm frustrated and lonely. Getting out of the area will be good, it'll bring me another perspective. I won't go back to the U.K. too expensive along with rising crime rates.

The world is a gloomy place, I don't make friends easily ... it's because I don't trust anyone. I pour my heart out when I meet a woman I really like and all I'm left with is heartache. I'm too old for this and I'm losing hope at a rapid pace. It's not a pity party but I'm feeling the stress. I guess it's true what doctor's say, having a wife prolongs your life. I've heard lots of people say that they're under stress with a wife! But it's better than being in my shoes.

It's the same thing night after night. I go to bed alone and I'm sad and bitter. I know there should be someone for me out there, a special woman, but I can't find her, at least I think she's 'the one', but she ends up hating me and I hate myself. I know it's not right to think just because you have feelings for someone that they should love you back, but I'm tired ... tired of myself.

I really want to go out and 'experience' more of life, but I'm able to in my present physical state. I can't walk very far, the numbness in my foot is getting worse. I exercise everyday, it's keeping me fit and slim, but I'm always tired.

The other day, I went to the store, with the taxi of course. There was an attractive cashier, she was flirting with me and I flirted with her. I should have asked her for her email, at least, but I've been so broken hearted that I left, feeling like a fool. Making too many excuses.

It's hard, but I'm trying.

December 23, 2005 ;Occurrences too many similarities.

I don't know what it is. So many things swarming in my head. I've been able to pick up some little jobs here and there, just enough to keep me going. I haven't left the house in 4 days. I have a headache that comes and goes. I'm surprised to find that I've uncovered yet another surveillance camera hidden in the neighborhood. I can't remember why I placed so many. Was it another research project that I was working on?

I wish I wrote everything down on a piece of paper. I don't own a PDA. Something else to carry I guess, useless for me. I don't know if my headaches are a result of the concussion, but it's getting worse.

I'm beginning to wonder what kind of person I really am. What's so fascinating about studying traffic? Why did I place a hidden camera at the end of the street? Was it to produce enough evidence of the speeding idiots who screech constantly at all times of the day? Is it the idiots who drive down the road with their radio blaring full blast? What am I turning into an old man in his 30s with nothing to do but see what everyone else is doing?

I finally opened the windows in my office for the first time today. Too stuffy. Or maybe it's because I'm afraid to look out the window, especially after all the similarities between my accident and other deadly accidents that happened on the 23rd of December.

I don't want to harp on about it. Take a look at the thumbnail video above for more answers.

I really need to wake up and a respectable hour. 10 am? It makes me feel like a bum. I'm not losing hope in the investigation, just laying about feeling sorry for myself.

Pathetic isn't it?

Deja Vu.

I was busy working around the house yesterday. Pushing myself too hard, my body is aching, but that's nothing compared to the mental anguish I'm going through. There's been many supporting emails coming from the readers, but nothing can compare to the heartache that I'm going through, especially late at night when I'm laying in bed trying to go to sleep.

There are women in my life that I thought I was close to, at least I thought I was. One of them in particular said that she would 'always be there for me'. She's not here for me, she's flaky, I should have known better than to place my hope in someone who I thought was my friend, I've been there for her, not because I was expecting something in return. I like to help people, at least I did until recently. She doesn't call or let alone email me and it hurts, where are you when I need you?

There's another woman who was in my life, who could be gentle and sweet, then the next moment she was distant, clearly didn't want me around. When she heard about my accident she was concerned ... at least I thought she was. In her next email she was angry, upset. To make a long story short she doesn't want me in her life.

I'm not getting any younger ... I'm in my 30's, I thought I would have settled down by now, but that wish is becoming a distant memory. But it's nothing to the pain I feel in my heart, it's making me depressed, so depressed that I sleep for hours on end. It's effecting me physically as well. My hands are beginning to cramp up when I write. I'm constantly tired. I'm plagued by headaches. I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry to whomever is reading this. I don't want to ruin your day. I just needed someone to 'vent' to. I rarely venture outside the house, even with the taxi. I don't have the energy. It takes a lot out of me just to write these blogs lately ... I don't even care anymore ... the accident, my personal life, the heartache that I'm experiencing ... it feels like it's an ongoing deja vu. I know that I experienced it in the past, either in my nightmare or somewhere else and it's frustrating.

I hope things will get better for me.

The Enigma 23

My accident took place on the 23rd of December. The time on my wristwatch was frozen at 9:23. A co-incidence? Everywhere I go I see the number 23. For example for the past week each time I answer my email the number 23 pops up. Avant-Garde musicians with the number 23 in the composition appears. 23 hurt in a bus accident. 23 killed in an airplane crash.

I am familiar with the writer William S. Burroughs, but I forgot the 23 connection, I haven't heard about it in years ... I blame it on my concussion. I'm forgetful ... can't remember anything.

I just took a look at the time on the computer screen; 23!

Am I reading into things?

Thanks goes to Hiroshi who pointed the connection of the 23 enigma and my accident.

I won't be able to go anywhere without seeing 23. And now I hear that a movie is being made about the 23 Enigma. I wonder if it's going to be any good?

This 23 enigma thing is getting on me nerves. It's spooking me out. I've got to get out, clear me head. Take a deep breath.

I'm thinking I really have to start driving again. What am I going to tell the taxi driver? Just cruise around the city for an hour or so? I did like taking taxi's. But that thought only lasted a couple of days. It's not practical.

So many things to do. But I don't feel like doing anything. Just to turn on the computer can be an ordeal in itself. The only thing that keeps me going are the positive emails.

Thank you.

Wrecked Car

I've been wracking up a rather large amount of fees at the impound yard for my wrecked car. I should go there and retrieve the vehicle. But what am I going to do with it? Put it in my driveway? I'm still waiting to hear from the insurance company, fighting with them, going back and forth.

It's been almost a year and I'm still trying to get the replacement value.

I'm in no mood to look at what was once my 'new' car. More like a 'new' wrecked car.