'PROOF' - VBLOG



As if it couldn't get any weirder. The police contacted me a few days ago ... it's all explained in the video. I don't know what to think. Maybe I shouldn't think. X-mas is around the corner and I've been buying gifts for my family. No gifts for the remaining few friends I have, or had. But let's not get negative here. I've been writing nothing but self-pity blogs to you lot over the past several months and I must apologize. The first and foremost thing on my mind is my accident investigation, but what the police showed me on the video is just plain weird! It's a black comedy. What would Kafka think?

Back to X-mas. I need to keep my mind occupied.

Well, the great things about shopping online - no lines, no gift wrapping, no problems looking for parking. I really used to like X-mas shopping with me mum dad and younger sis. We used to spend hours shopping on Oxford Street, looking at all the stuff we couldn't afford. Me mum looking at Selfridges. Me dad looking at the electronic shops. Then we'd head over to Portobello Road so me and me younger sister could look at all the new LP's at Virgin Records (no megastore back then, just a bunch of hippies making a ton of quid off of Mike Oldfield's 'Tubular Bells') I used to spend hours looking at the LP covers. ( no kids, we didn't have cds or downloadable itunes bollocks back then!)

For an afternoon laugh we'd make our way to the King's Road to poke fun at the punks. I remember one particular afternoon in December of 1977 when the Punks and the Teds were beating each other up. The punks were no match for the Teds, the Teds were older and handy with their fists. How the punks could get around in their bondage trousers was beyond me!

All in all it was a happy time, me parents would get me an Action Man, me dad a new soldering gun (he was an electronics hobbyist) me younger sister a new doll and me mum a new dress.

Yes it was fun growing up in the 70's in Britain. I won't go into detail about the trash strike in the long hot summer of 76', British Leyland going bust, record levels of unemployment, I didn't give a toss about all that. I was a kid and I was having fun. I shudder to think having kids in this environment.

Maybe I should have stayed in London, I would be taking the tube to work everyday and I wouldn't be in a car accident. Not unless there was a derailment on the tube. But that doesn't happen very often.

This was supposed to be a happy blog about the joys of X-mas and I ended up talking about trash strikes, bankrupts British companies and the terror of kids.

I'm signing off before it gets worse.

- Jack

Numb recovery

PTSD therapy group, what a joke. Absolute rubbish. I went to a support group 2 days ago. See the video. Hope everyone is having a safe and happy thanksgiving. I'm staying at home where it's safe and warm with no traffic. I remember as a child visiting my mum's relatives here in the states. Re-runs of 'The Twilight Zone' would be shown all day. I used to really enjoy it. I still do, but my life is beginning to feel like one of the episodes. I guess it's better that than some reality tv show bollocks.

I am thankful that I at least have my health, even though I have the reoccuring side effects from the concussion.

Thinking about Roy said in the vblog. It's beginning to sink in. What he said makes sense. Nothing much else to say. I hope everyone stays safe and stay off the roads, lot's of drunk unstable people driving today. Be thankful if you're spending the night at home with your loved ones.

Jack



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I was feeling strange last night. I felt downtrodden. I was thinking about the people that I met during the last year and how they're no longer in my life. I was heartbroken. The accident seems unreal, I don't know what to think of Roy. Was he really involved in a similar accident or is he playing a game? Maybe he's behind the accident. There's so many things going through my mind.

I slept for 10 hours. I have so much work to do. Past assigments are untouched. I've been in a retrospective mood. I guess the saying 'The more things change the more they remain the same' is true. The one thing I've discovered through this journey of finding out what happened during my missing 3 days is how unreliable and flaky people can be. Humans only care about themselves no matter how much they say that they're 'always there for you'. What a load of bollocks. Where are you now? You're not there when I needed you.

Maybe it's the change in the season, or the weather. Fall used to be my favourite time of the year, but I don't know if I like the dampness and the fog. Maybe it reminds me of home. I haven't been to England for a few years, I know I should visit my mum and dad and my sister, but I can't. How can I sit in airplane when I can't even get behind the wheel of a car? I sit in the backseat of the taxi with a hood pulled over my head and a pair of dark sunglasses blocking my vision and an ipod filtering any ambient sounds from the real world.

Someone suggested that maybe I caused my own accident because I've been let down by the people in my life! I've been sad and depressed but I would never take my own life! Utterly ridiculous! More than anything I want to have the power to get out of the house and hopefully meet a woman and settle down. But that's not going to happen until I find out the cause of my accident.

I feel somewhat guilty over my response to Roy's video. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't be sure until I have evidence that he was in a similar accident, only then can I rest.

It's been almost a year since the accident. I need to get my life back together again before it's too late.

I'd like to thank the viewers of the site who have been sending me so many emails of support, especially Kathie. Thank You.

Jack

I hate Roy

I shouldn't hate people. But I can't help it. Roy has really gotten under my skin. He upsets me to no end. If you're reading this Roy where's your response? Are you afraid? You should be afraid of yourself. It's scary to think that someone like you is able to make up such a sick story. You need help Roy.

Funnily enough my constant rage at Roy or Ron or whatever his name has relieved my constant headaches. I would think that Roy's prank would have given me a throbbing headache, but I guess I was wrong.

We WILL continue this conversation Roy. Trust me.

engineer94701@hotmail.com

Who are you Roy?

I am upset. Seething. Who do you think you are Roy? Do you think this is a joke? I was in a car accident, I'm not looking for publicity! Prank? Having fun are we? I was in the hospital recovering for months, going through countless hours of physical therapy. Does this sound like fun Roy? Or whatever your name is. You are brainless, you need psychological help. It hurts me to receive emails like this! I thought that you were someone I could relate to. I should have listened to my gut instinct but you are taking advantage of the helpless. How DARE you poke fun of me? I have a headache ALL because of YOU! Is it fun making a disgrace out of someone's life? Do you take joy in making someone fell ashamed? DO YOU? I thought my life was OVER! I am TRYING to rebuild my life, but it is HARD! I believe in karma Roy Or whoever you are. Do YOU belive in karma? Probably not, you don't know what it means. But I believe in it. Everything that goes around comes around! You WILL BE PUNISHED ROY!

Are you happy that I'm crumbling away? Why does this keep happening to me? People tell me to 'be positive'. What a load of bollocks! You have no idea what my life has been like. It's been ONE CONSTANT disappointment! There's a pounding in my chest when I go to sleep, I always think that it's going to get better and it DOESN'T! I don't know why I bother to wake up in the morning! I have no energy. I sleep 15 hours a day. I just manage to scrape by. I don't know how I do it. A job here, a job there. Something has triggered a response in me. My life is empty, 5 months ago when I first posted the blog I thought I would find the answers to my questions but so far nothing. I'm tired to going to bed alone. I should have been married by now.

I don't know what I'm writing about, why am I sharing my life with you lot? Complete strangers. What are you going to do for me? I'm sorry, I'm in self pity mode. I apologize. What's wrong with me? I've been to therapy, complete waste of time, she was attractive, the therapist, I actually looked forward to the meeting, not because she was helping me, but it was nice to be around someone, someone to talk to. Did she help me? I don't know, she's not helping me with the accident, more like trying to show how smart she is with her education. She talks down to me quite often.

The police - same story as always. I haven't contacted them for months. I'm not going to bother, why should I? Hmm, it's fall, it used to be my favourite time of the year, but I really haven't noticed it until now. It doesn't make a difference really. I'm sorry, I've rambled on for much too long. I apologize. I'm still having headaches, concussion or whatever the doc said. It's doing me in. I have to leave the house but it takes so much energy, I'm always exhausted when I have to leave and I don't even drive. The taxi's are costing too much, especially in light of my work situation.

ROY'S EMAIL ADDRESS IS: engineer94701@hotmail.com TELL HIM WHAT YOU THINK!!!!

Jack

Accident victim and therapy

I still don't know what to think of Roy. I dunno what he wants, maybe I'm being a bit harsh, maybe he's in the same situation that I am.

I think I need therapy. I can't relax, I'm unable to drive. I have panic attacks. I feel like a jigsaw puzzle, my life is still in pieces waiting to be put back together again. Nothing is in logical order. There's no rhyme or reason.

I have nothing else to say.

Sorry,

Jack