Pitfall

I'm still nervous about posting a vblog ... it's hard enough for me to write about the accident, but, since the police are still investigating the accident and the prospects of finding answers is slim, I have no choice but to investigate the accident myself.

Recovering

The heat is unbearable. The hospital has been calling me leaving messages reminding me about my check up. I've planted surveillance cameras around my neighborhood. There's so many idiots who speed down the street. I've been having nightmarish thoughts that one of those morons are responsible for my accident. I had thougths of crashing into their car at a high speed of acceleration, I quickly wake up sweating.

I'm not ready to get behind the wheel of the car, I can only imagine the rage that's building inside of me. Funnily enough i don't miss being outdoors ... there's nothing to miss. Idiots everwhere, they're parading around like they're expecting to have their own reality tv program. There's too much traffic ... loud noises bother me.

I'm in a constant rage ... I think it's the side effect of the pain medication ... when I turn on the TV to watch the news I find myself yelling at the screen ... murder, mayhem, police chases ... it's getting worse. I got so mad I threw the TV out the window ... the next day I came to my senses. I waited until night to retrieve the tv, luckily it was sitting in the shrubs. I don't know what I was thinking. The front glass is smashed, I had to call a glass shop, the installer came, late of course, I felt like he was interrogating me. I told him I'm in a bad mood, I sat in the back room until the idiot was finished installing the glass I paid him and sent him on his merry way.

I've been calling the police during the week, they haven't been returning my messages. I'm losing hope, I'm getting upset, I was smart enough not to leave a nasty message on the answering machine. I need to go to the accicdent site, to see if I can find some clues, since the police aren't helping.

I'm very depressed over my lack of findings over the accident investigation. In the middle of the night I feel that it's a dream gone horribly wrong ... when I wake up, I find my myself disappointed that it is real ... an ongoing nightmare. I haven't been reading my email for days now. It's hard to write this blog, I don't have the energy. I've been sleeping for most of the day. My life is slipping away.

No, I'm not suicidal, just frustrated at the lack of progress. In a way, I really don't care what happens.

Video Blog

I'm apprehensive about recording my life as a vblog ... but I need to find out the mystery of my car accident. It is good therapy for me though as strange as it may sound ...

I'm feeling exhausted, more than usual. Waiting to hear from the Police if they have any leads. I've received responses from a few readers. Thanks for your support. I'm trying to put myself together ... get the courage to leave the house and visit the doc, but it's really hard.

Working on the next vblog ... there is a reader who is confused. She's trying to figure out what I'm trying to 'get out of it'. The vlbog and web page is art therapy for me. I can't leave the house to film anything ... I can only film myself, and try to get the word out there about anyone who saw my accident. If it involves putting up a blog site or a vblog or myspace site or whatever else, whatever catches the attention of people, the more people I can inform about what happened to me.

I think it's a bit obvious if you look at the video that I'm not seeking any form of attention. If I was just posting the details of my accident to various sites, no one would know what I'm talking about, besides it's good therapy for me. It keeps me busy.

Talking about keeping busy, I do need to find some consulting jobs, but I can't, since I haven't been able to leave home. One of the reasons I can't leave home is because my leg is still healing, I need to keep off it as much as possible. Just walking to the bathroom makes me tired.

In Denial

The weather is unbearbly hot today .... it's only adding to my misery. The doc's office has left me several messages on my phone. I don't want to be there for a check-up. I should, but I'm afraid he's going to make me see the physical therapist again. Not looking forward to the pain.

I've been placing posts to various groups; paranormal, etc. The readers of those pages have an open mind, hopefully they'll have some leads.

I feel strange posting to various groups. I'm not looking for any attention whatsoever ... but I really need to find out what happened ... I'm baring my soul.

Didn't go to sleep until 2 am, I patiently wait in front of the computer for any emails from the public who might have seen something, someone abducting me, or if there were any signs of a bright light in the area.

4th of July is coming up, already, there's been tons of prats lighting firecrackers, it's making me nervous ... edgy. Can't sleep ... the only good thing about staying home is that I've been saving tons of money by not buying gas!

Been having my groceries delievered to me ... it's not cheap, but I can't deal with being in the bright sun, the sound of traffic and the sounds of cars roaring up and down the street. Especially where I live, there's so many 'beautiful people' walking up + down the street enjoying the 4th of July weekend. Normally I would enjoy seeing the assortment of beautiful women parading up + down the street but now ... all I car about is getting rid of the pain. But I suppose by looking out the window at the gorgeous women it is taking my mind of the accident.

Can't wait until nightfall ... it's 8:05 pm at the sun is going down ... but not fast enough. Think I'll call it an early evening.